lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
