Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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