im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
