Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
