i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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