That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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