I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize