I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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