His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
