I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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