Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Be still, my beating vagina.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
