We're facebook friends in real life
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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