You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
