I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
