Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
