Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
