Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry about my life...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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