Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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