BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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