we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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