I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
