Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
