If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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