true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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