I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
