Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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