dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
