Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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