i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
