1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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