Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we're making bets on your personal life
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
