Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
