Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
