I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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