Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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