So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
