Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
