found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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