Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
