Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
