Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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