When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
