Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
