You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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