When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
