I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
