PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
