Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
