Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
