Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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