Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
