Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
