so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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