so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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