if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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