when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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