I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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