She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
