who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
