I'd wear matching sweaters with you
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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