Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
