Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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