A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
