I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
