i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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