Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
