I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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