She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
