My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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