just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
