What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
