What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
