I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
