Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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