they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
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The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
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6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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