fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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