At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she told me i tasted like america
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
