So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
