If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
