Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize