Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
