alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
