But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
