At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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