You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
