We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
