My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
